3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I need help removing her.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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