and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
