shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
