Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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