I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
