I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
