My room smells like vodka and shame
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
