i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
