i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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