i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
