omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
