In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
