Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize