Cold hands, warm shart.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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