It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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