hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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