There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm passing your future prison.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
