We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
