I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
