Don't make out with my wife yet
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
