were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
