omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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