Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
