My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
