But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
