gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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