Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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