so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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