Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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