If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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