I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
