Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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