Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dignity is for republicans.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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