i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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