sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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