how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
