stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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