wrigley field is MILF paradise
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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