TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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