saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
