im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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