Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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