Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Too much gin, very little bucket
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
