he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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