yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
