Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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