i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
