I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
