if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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