guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
