This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
