they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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