So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
