R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
