her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
