Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
