my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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