New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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