A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
