he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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