dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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