somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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