Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
