my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
