idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
