Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
