HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
